Sunday Snippet

 

Today's snippet is from Torn, the first book in the En Pointe series.  

Blurb

Kazimir Lebedev is a shocking anomaly in Russian politics. He’s an honest man who can’t be bought. Because he has no secrets. Until an extramarital love affair results in an illegitimate son he decides to hide in plain sight.   

Raised in Estonia by his adopted grandmother, Misha Vergara has dreamed of dancing ballet since he was a toddler. He exhibits the natural grace and drive to succeed in the competitive world of classical dance.    

Natalya Baranova—Talia—is convinced that she and her bestie, Misha, are destined to be the preeminent ballet couple someday. They work diligently on their craft which ultimately leads them to the Mariinsky Theater in St. Petersburg, Russia. 

Henri Minas, a new arrival, has all the qualifications to become a principal dancer, with a face and personality that beguiles and confuses Misha.

Torn between his best friend and Henri, Misha must come to terms with his growing feelings for another boy. In a region of the world where same-sex relationships are forbidden, will Misha follow his heart and choose love with Henri, or stay true to Talia and their shared dream of fame?

To make matter’s worse, all of Kazimir’s carefully crafted lies are about to unravel, as the half brother Misha doesn't know sets his sights on Talia. Now a high-ranking member of the government, can Kaz protect his reputation, and more importantly, his precious love child, without losing it all?

Snippet

Henri

I stared at the email from ABT offering me a position in their exchange program for six months. It was the lifeline I’d been praying for since it had first been mentioned. I couldn’t run from my feelings forever, but a new environment and several thousand miles between me and St. Petersburg would be enough of a distraction to keep me from going insane.

I accepted the offer and hit send before I changed my mind. Misha might try to persuade me to stay, but I didn’t think it was likely. My absence would be a welcome relief. There had been no attempt at reconciliation on Misha’s part, and my ego could only take so much abuse. Misha had moved on, a coldblooded mindset I would never understand because I continued to torment myself with memories of the past and thoughts of what could have been.

I still held Ilya at arm’s length instead of giving in to temptation since the outcome was so predictable. The momentary release would never heal my broken heart, and it was unfair to expect Ilya to perform miracles.

Nightly pep talks notwithstanding, I was incapable of ignoring Talia and Misha blatantly fondling each other in public. They were acting as though they’d just discovered sex and couldn’t wait to be alone. It made my stomach turn.

Nonetheless, I couldn’t leave St. Petersburg without saying goodbye. I knocked on Misha’s door the night before my scheduled departure, half-hoping there would be no reply since I dreaded confrontations, but the door swung open and a bare-chested Misha raised his eyebrows in surprise. “This is unexpected.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“I wanted you to hear it from me instead of the rumor mill; I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Where are you going?”

“To New York for six months.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. ABT has accepted me into their exchange program.”

Misha reached for my arm, yanked me inside the room, and engaged the lock. We were close enough to smell each other’s breath, but an insurmountable wall of resentment prevented any contact and we both took a step back.

“How can you leave in the middle of our first full-length ballet? You’ve been getting rave reviews. What the fuck is in New York?”

“You’re asking all the wrong questions.”

Misha extended a hand.

I batted it away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Let me hold you for a second.”

“Why?”

“To prevent you from making the biggest mistake of your life,” Misha reasoned. “You can’t leave now. At least wait until the season is over.”

“There are five other guys who can step into my role,” I pointed out. “Why stay when I have the opportunity to put some distance between us.”

“Is this situation with Talia so intolerable?”

“Yes.”

Misha grimaced. “Please, don’t go.”

“Is ballet the only reason you want me to stay?”

“You have to know there’s more….”

“Say it out loud.”

“I can’t bear the idea of you living on another continent,” Misha confessed. “We’ve been together for so long I’m not sure I can function without you. I know I’ve messed up badly. This thing with Talia is—”

“A mistake?” My voice rose in anguish. “Surely not. You’ve been talking of nothing else since we first met. I knew I was always your second choice, but I didn’t have the balls to admit it.”

“It’s not like that,” Misha insisted. “I’ve said it time and again, I love you both, but I—”

“Haven’t figured out the details,” I said with a heavy heart. “The three of us will never live happily ever after. Whenever I see her clinging to you possessively, I want to rip her apart. I have to get out of here before I do something I might regret.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t fucking know!”

I sank to the floor, wrapped my arms around my folded legs, and lowered my head. The damn tears rushed to the surface and I tried not to scream. Misha wanted it all, and I wasn’t buying into the plan anymore. It had been fine when I hadn’t believed there were other options, but those days were long gone. I had a plane ticket to prove it. There were hundreds of men who were far more secure and a lot more available. I rose to my full height and wiped away the shameful tears with the back of my hand.

“You have to decide which one of us is more important, Misha. You can’t have it both ways. I know there are people out there who can manage a poly relationship, but I’m not one of them. I’m too selfish to share, and furthermore, I’m not attracted to women. I used to like Talia, or at least tolerated her, but lately her behavior has made it impossible to be civil.”

Misha crowded me to the door and pinned me in place. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, and he snarled, “You’re not going anywhere.”

You can purchase a copy of Torn at AMAZON or read for free with your KU subscription.