Pondering On A Winter Day

I'm off today (from my part-time job) and sitting at my desk trying to dredge up the inspiration to finish my WIP. It's the sequel to A TANGLED LEGACY ,and my muse is pushing me in a direction that will undoubtedly raise a few eyebrows. This shift in mindset seems to be an issue with me lately. The stories I want to tell are not your standard m/m romances. I never was a predictable author, and in a way, this is a good thing. I'd hate to be that person--the one who sticks to a winning formula, with new characters and minor plot changes in an endless rinse and repeat cycle. I stopped reading certain authors for this very reason. It's the same old story but with a different cover.

When I pick up a book, I don't want to know how it ends. I rarely look at reviews. I want to be surprised. I know this is not the case for the vast majority of readers. They need--demand--the happy ending or the happy for now. Maybe it's my life experiences affecting my view point; I dunno. More than likely, I'm turning into a jaded crone as I age; on the other hand, I could just be tired of reading the same old stuff over and over. Give me something that makes my jaw drop, or shake my head with disgust, or rail at an author in the moment and admire them when I close the last page. At the end of the day, it's all about the experience. I want to get my money's worth. I can't even count how many books I haven't finished reading this last year. I don't return them to Amazon, which I could do, because I think of all the hours of hard work the writer has put into releasing their 'baby.' My opinion is only one among thousands. Instead of lashing out because the author didn't 'get it,' I simply move on. It's the polite thing to do when you're part of a large authorial family. I derive no pleasure whatsoever in hurting another writer. But I digress! My issues with my muse and where I see myself going as a writer have nothing to do with the next paragraph.

My current state of confusion/unease has to do with my latest release, YIELD. It's the sort of book that will arouse strong emotions. Readers will either love or hate it, but I can honestly say you won't be bored. I know it's selling, because I check the figures on my KDP shelf daily, yet no one has posted a review. A vast majority of books in the gay erotica genre seem to have this issue. I'm not sure why this is the case, but it's discouraging to go for 18 days without a single review. Is this me whining and begging for some reader/blogger to grade my book in a public forum? I guess it's more a question than an ask. Did I release this book at the wrong time of the year? Should I have waited until January? After you've been saturated with fluffy holiday reads, will you be ready to tackle dark and twisted? Asking for a friend.

On the off chance you'd like to review the book, let me know and I'll be happy to send you a copy. I'd rather not see a bunch of one stars (who would?), but they don't have to be five stars either. An honest review is all I'm asking for.

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Here's a shorty from Yield to whet your appetite.

“I’m leaving the Jesuits.”

“Unfortunately, I’ve heard this before.”

“Things are different this time,” Jay explained.

“Oh? Did St. Ignatius appear in a dream and tell you it was okay to be my fuck boy?”

“I know I deserve your anger, but can you pretend to show some respect? My words may not mean much right now, but I will change. Rino and Ethan have shown me there’s another way to live.”

“Yeah. I heard all about Ethan and his club. If you think I’m going to take you by the hand and present you as my partner to the members of his closed group, think again.”

“Having never been there myself, I can’t even guess what goes on in such establishments. But I’ve come to appreciate Ethan’s down-to-earth advice, and I know Rino thinks his man walks on water. The place can’t be bad if they endorse it.”

“Moving on,” Sami snapped. “What else is on your mind?”

“How can I atone for what I’ve done or should have done?”

Sami shrugged. “I’m not sure I care enough to come up with an answer.”

“I don’t believe you,” Jay said softly. “You’d have been long gone if it were true.”

“Maybe so, but you’ve worn me down with your bullshit. I honestly can’t dredge up one more ounce of patience or sympathy.”

“I’m not asking for anything but an opportunity to prove I’m moving in a positive direction.”

“Then what?”

“I hope you’ll reconsider the decision to keep your distance.”

Sami stared at Jay, expecting the usual deluge of tears and melodrama, but he was quietly determined. Maybe he did have an epiphany, but they’d had versions of this scene before, and he wasn’t taking anything at face value.

“I’m not making any promises, Jay, but I’m willing to keep an open mind. Show me proof you’ve quit the Jesuits, get some badly needed therapy, and try to find a new career. I have to see some honest effort on your part, or I won’t even consider a reunion.”

“I’ll do it,” Jay vowed. “I’m going to talk to my superiors this morning.”

“Good for you.”

“Can I visit once in a while?”

“Let’s avoid each other for a few months. We both need some downtime. You’re not the only one with issues.”

“Are you going to see a shrink?”

“Probably.”

“Will you stay in town?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Did Esme leave?”

Sami nodded. “She’s back with her family where she belongs.”

“Are you okay with her decision?”

“Of course.”

It seemed Jay had run out of small talk, yet he appeared reluctant to go. The silence between them stretched uncomfortably.

“Are we done here?” Sami asked.

“Ethan says it’s okay to like kinky sex,” Jay blurted.

Sami raised an eyebrow. “Your point?”

“A lot of my conflict has to do with the way we—”

“Fuck?”